Doc appointment update

Well, that whole experience sure did suck.  My appointment last week was the worst of all of them, it definitely took the cake.  First, we reviewed my lab work that we had redrawn a month after my ear infection had cleared up in hopes that the IGg deficiency was a false positive due to the infection, but unfortunately my lab values had dropped even more which is quite alarming.  So, now we're moving forward very quickly with referrals to the rheumatologist and will start the inner-ear (transtympanic) steroid injections soon in hopes that these "cool down" the inflammation going on in my inner ear.  So, I'm pretty freaked out at this point in the doc appointment when the main doctor comes in and drops the bomb that my beloved PA who I've been seeing through this whole experience is leaving in 2 weeks; he's joined a new neurology clinic and unfortunately I can't join him because (1) they don't have a spinny chair at that clinic and (2) the specialty of their clinic is migraines, not vertigo. 

I'm just feeling so low at this point in the appointment - this news just totally threw me for a loop and losing my doctor at a time when I'm feeling so vulnerable makes me concerned about changing horses mid-stream and I'm fearful my treatment options may fall through the cracks.  Of course I'll continue to be an advocate for myself and since my appointment I've worked hard to be mindful of staying positive and not catastrophizing the latest event...but still, it was a really crappy day.

Since then, I've also had a lovely chat with my doctor who profusely apologized for the way we learned that he was leaving and we talked about a plan for my hand off to another PA in his absence.  I'm feeling a bit better but still, can I just vent for a moment that I'm just so freakin' frustrated.  I want this to be over already and I want to be better.  I don't want to be going to doctors still and looking for reasons why I'm still dizzy, and looking for cures, etc.  But what I've learned through this whole experience is we're certainly not in control as we think we are, and sometimes better things come from difficulty and turmoil.  As a lovely friend of mine pointed out, she says that "winter" is very important in our lives because all the plants and trees are stronger if they go through the winter.  I love that. 

You know what else I love?  Kelly Clarkson's song "Stronger".  That song is like my personal chorus right now - when it comes on my ipod at the gym, I jam on that bike.  What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, indeed. 

And lastly, you know I always have to end on a laugh, especially when I've just been a bummer.  I am kinda freaked out about my upcoming inner ear steroid injections, I'm not going to lie, the thought of getting stabbed in the eardrum is creepy.  You know what it reminds me of?  That hilarious old SNL sketch of the two security guards with Billy Crystal and Christopher Guest: ball peen hammer?  Indeed.

C: "You know what happened to me last night. I took one of those -- what do you call them?"
G: "Meat thermometers"
C: "Yeah. I took one of those meat thermometers and just . . ."
G: "Shoved it right in your ear"
C: "Yeah, ooooooooooooo!! that smarts"
G: "I know what your mean"
C: "I hate when that happens!"
G: "Me, too"
C: "Then I took one of those . . . those . . ."
G: "Ball peen hammers"
C: "Exactly, I took a ball peen hammer and just rapped that meat thermometer deeper and deeper into my head"
G: "That smarts"
C: "I hate when that happens!"