The (long overdue) health update

Well, here it is.  Not alotta happening since the last time I posted on my health, so I think I've been avoiding rehashing a non-topic, or beating a dead horse.

It's essentially been about 6 weeks of the same symptoms - I feel incredibly stuck, frustrated and hopeless sometimes, but I am trying really hard to remain as positive as I can and mindful of the fact that this is still temporary.  It's such a mind-game, but I'm trying to focus on the now and what "is" as opposed to worrying about the future, possible outcomes and my job.  Trust me, it's a daily exercise in mindfulness and positive self-talk because my mind quickly goes to the "what if" bad place and it's no good.

I think part of what is so challenging is around 6 weeks ago, I had a decent 2 weeks with mild symptoms and I was noticing some improvement, so I really started getting my hopes up.  I started really mentally gearing up for returning to work, I got all excited and frankly, got really hopeful.  When the next vertigo hit at night, I crashed and burned dizzy-wise and I haven't had improvement since, so it's been hard emotionally just having more of the same when I've had a taste of the "good life".  I know logically I can get back there again, but it's so hard when it's all out of my control and I have no idea what even caused the improvement OR the setback.

I guess the good thing that IS different is me.  I'm so much better at moving on and refusing to let my symptoms dictate my life.  Now when I'm feeling like crap I still do whatever I had planned to do for the day, and I keep my routines of working out, cooking and hanging in the 'hood, all of which make me feel happy and productive.  No matter how I'm feeling, I never turn down offers from people to come by and visit or any social events...and all of those are things make me so happy! Hell, being dizzy and feeling like crap, surrounded by people I love (which makes of course keeps me distracted and happy) WAY beats just sitting at home on the couch focusing on how dizzy I am. Ultimately, this whole experience will pass and I'd hate to look back on this time and feel like it stole a chunk of time from me - instead I'm just so grateful I'm moving forward and enjoying life, even though it's taken a different path right now.

I'm heading back to the OtoNeurologist tomorrow for another chair ride, which surprisingly, I'm really looking forward to because I'm feeling so awful right now.  We're also going to review my lab work and look at those other treatment options to see if there really is an autoimmune component to this whole thing.  Will post next week with updates, but for now there are some fun blog posts pending over the next several days that I already did but scheduled in the future.  It's advanced blogginess.  Her royal bloggess here.  Be impressed, be very impressed. 

As always with my health updates, I like to end on a laugh and this clip has absolutely SLAYED me this week - I've probably watched it 15 times and laughed so hard I've given myself a headache.  Please to enjoy goats yelling like humans.  My fave is the 2nd dude and the last 2.  Would it be rude to insinuate the little brown guy in the barn is "special?"