Health Update - one step forward, a whole friggin' year backwards.

I'm not doing so hot.  In fact, I think I need this blog post almost like a Dear Diary, so I'm sorry, it's not going to be a happy one.  Rob's on a business trip which just compounds it, but I'm feeling just so horrible.  Over the past 2 1/2 weeks, I've taken a huge step backwards symptom-wise and I feel like I did when the vertigo first hit.  I'm right back to where I was, holding onto the freakin' couch cushions, feeling like I'm about to fall off at any given moment.  I'm spinning almost constantly, even when I'm not moving an inch, I'm rolling all over the place.  The computer and phone screens are absolutely horrible stimulants so I'm sorry I'm going to be out of touch for a while (again typing this super fast while not looking), and reading is again a major challenge.  The craziest part is at my doctor's appointment on Friday, they put me on the chair and I had absolutely no eye movements (nystagmus) so my crystals are where they need to be - so they're wondering if this is maybe another viral insult happening again.  So, I'm back on heavy anti-virals and antibiotics just in case that'll help knock out whatever is happening.  I can guarantee you, that was the one and only time I was actually hoping for a chair treatment and what do you know, I actually didn't get one.

Its just so disheartening at this point - the deadline to return to work or lose my job is June 15th and I had hoped with physical therapy that I could get there, even with some accommodation and even part-time.  Physical therapy exercises of shaking my head back and forth while looking at an eye chart, bouncing a ball up and down while marching backwards and forwards, etc, were starting to get a bit easier when this hit, but needless to say I'm back to square one and my balance is back to zero, I'm falling over again, etc.  I can't help but feel so hopeless and frustrated and wonder when this will get better, but in the meantime I don't know what my options are.  My doctor supports me in applying for permanent social security disability and hearing that was sobering - I keep hoping this will go away soon and I haven't heard his reassurance that this will subside in a long time.  I'm trying my best to remember this horrible feeling got better before so hopefully it will again, but damnit, this is really hard to take such a huge step backwards when I was hoping we had put so much behind us.

I could definitely use prayers and good thoughts - and Rob could as well.  I'm sure this is really hard for him to watch me suffering like this and to be so powerless against it.  Thank you to everybody who reads this and for everyone's support - it means more than you will ever know.  Much love.

I know I usually end with something funny, but frankly - not so much in the mood.  Instead, I'm ending with a miracle and something that made me boo-hoo.  (been a lot of that lately, not going to lie).  I could stand to have a miracle too, and this was amazing.  Did you guys see this incredible story of the woman who lost her house and everything during the tornado including her precious little doggy?  I promise you, there's a happy ending, you know me and animal sadness...I wouldn't post it otherwise.